It's just me.

Welcoming winter

If I could give one gift to people, it would be more consideration of others.

Validation.

You know those moments in your life where multiple things seem to challenge you and your stance in this world?  Some people may call these “things” obstacles; others may merely say it’s crap hitting the fan. Regardless, these challenging things all culminate to create a moment in your life that is not as easy as others. I have been experiencing something like this for a little while now. Let’s just say, for my sake, that we call it a “stressful time”.  I’m acknowledging that things have not been easy for me while accepting the fact that these “things” can provide growth opportunities.

What factors are contributing to my stressful time are not really relevant, at least to this posting.  The people who are in my immediate world already are aware of the things anyway.  What I wanted to reflect on was the one aspect of this moment and moments like this that sets the tone for the process of growth and influences the outcome. I was debating on how to address this aspect, originally thinking I should call it the “stronger vs. the weaker,” the “rational vs. irrational,” or the “logical vs. emotional parts of me.”  I decided, though, that these comparisons ultimately associated positive connotations with one side and negative with the other— one part of me was good, while there was something wrong with the other part. If I want to work my way through a “stressful time,” it’s probably best that I don’t go into it thinking that there is something wrong with me. Perhaps I need to learn and grow, but I should be able to accept all parts of who I am and understand that they are there for a reason.

I thus decided to try to understand my situation from the perspectives of the head and the heart.  I would say these are rather metaphorical labels, so I will explain what I mean by them. I refer to the “head” perspective as the one that would speak for you in the most objective way— the perspective that can step outside of your body and experience and understand a moment in relation to the way others might. I think the “head” perspective is the one that, if consoling a friend, would give advice. It uses reason to understand things.

The “heart” perspective is just as powerful; however, this is the highly subjective perspective.  It is personalized to each individual because it is shaped by his/her life experiences and unique personality.  When people say that they have “baggage,” they are making reference to a history that helps foster the “heart” perspective. People can develop sensitivities to things or have scars from past events that will alter their perspectives.  I don’t want people to think, though, that I only associate this perspective with things that have caused pain for people because people’s perspectives can be shaped just as equally by moments that have brought about joy and contentment. It is just a perspective that uses more emotion to understand things.

Do I think that there are times where one perspective may be more effective than the other? Yes. Do I also think that, at times, these perspectives may be at odds with one another? Yes. However, I do think that these are both equally real inside each person and an individual would be pretty much up the creek without a paddle if he/she tried to turn off one. What we go through in life and how we feel about it will definitely impact even our most objective thoughts. These moments also help us build our wisdom, which is fuel for the “head” perspective. Yet, there are some things in life that just cannot be explained by reason. The “heart” perspective allows people to understand things on a way more internal level, and it also allows people to experience compassion and empathy.  It isn’t just about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes; it’s about feeling the journey along the way, too. In that essence, these perspectives can be complementary to one another. 

I wrote all of this out not to blabber, but to try to make myself more aware of how I am processing things.  One of the biggest challenges that I face in moments like these is when I have a surplus of thoughts and feelings, and I need to organize them. I think it is important to understand which ideas come from the “head” perspective and which of them come from the “heart.” For example, in a situation you may severely reject, it would be valuable to know if you reject it because it is empirically flawed, or if this situation opens an untreated wound inside of you. Is it something you need to work through and move past, or is it something that is wise to avoid altogether? 

I also think it is important to differentiate between these two perspectives because we all strive balance.  To be able to allow both perspectives to equally be in use means that a person isn’t denying him-/herself the right to show all aspects of who he/she is. I needed to jot this down to remind myself of these things. It is not easy to find the balance, but if I can acknowledge that I am seeking to attain it, then I think I am on the right track.

So, I was due to be born on December 20th, but I ended up being born almost 3 weeks late, on January 7th. I happen to think that I am a mix between these two birthdays, as far as astrology goes. Here’s my assessment of each (i.e. what I find to be true about both days):

December 20th (Due Date):
- Perceptive & responsive
- Shoulder to cry on
- Having insight as difficult; no one can “pull the wool over my eyes”
- Need to learn to be more selfish
- Able to make people think on a deeper level
- Have vivid dreams
- Insecure in love
- Occupation: teacher; Key Features: enthusiastic, emotional; Naturally Good At: sensing people’s thoughts

January 7th (Birth Date):
- Sensitive, creative, vulnerable
- Live up to responsibilities, but desire more unconventional lifestyle
- Use armor to cover up natural shyness
- A dreamer
- Rational and dependable
- Vivid & abundant imagination
- Mind of a philosopher
- Not very good at asking what I want physically & emotionally in love
- Occupation: critic, writer; Key Features: unflappable, inscrutable, shy (at times); Naturally Good At: pulling people into line.

Since these are two different zodiac signs, I thought it would be interesting to investigate the truths to each sign that I “hold”.

Sagittarius (Due Sign):
YES, I BELIEVE I AM: Loving freedom; intellectual; like to study philosophy and fascinated by life and different cultures; want to explore the world; broad-minded and believe we are all equal and have the right to express ourselves whatever our origins or status.

Much more vulnerable than you appear to be. Feel things deeply and can often jump to the wrong conclusions or become a little paranoid. Very good at writing and pondering.

NO, I DON’T BELIEVE I AM: Wild, usually fit and love to workout (I am fit now, but it’s not something that comes easy for me); changeable and irrational; an erupting volcano that is fierce and loud when I lose my cool.

WHY I AM WONDERFUL: Allow others to be themselves and encourage people to express their true essence; generally nonjudgmental and fun to be with; like the finer things in life, but not materialist.c

WHY I AM IMPOSSIBLE: Liable to take quite innocent comments or gestures personally.

Capricorn (Birth Sign):
YES, I BELIEVE I AM: Practical, hardworking, earthy; honest; blunt (but only in specific contexts).

NO, I DON’T BELIEVE I AM: Someone who thinks emotional analysis is for wimps; discusses emotions only when it is important to do so; don’t like arty types of people; belligerent. 

Fantasize about get-rich-quick schemes; would love to live in the lap of luxury; take things for granted if they come too easily; love grandeur and wealth; find myself indulging in overspending to show off; considered quite mean.

WHY I AM WONDERFUL: Loyal and a workhorse, will complete job and honor commitments; patient and diligent; family oriented and take promises and responsibilities seriously; my word is my bond.

WHY I AM IMPOSSIBLE: Stubborn; difficult time admitting defeat; find it difficult to apologize to people who are close to me; refuse to budge on issues that I feel even remotely strong about; don’t like change and can be a workaholic.

I think that the January 7th and Capricorn descriptions are very good at describing my work ethic, where I stand morally, and the general frustrations people may have with my character.  However, I really disagree with their general overall lack-of-sensitivity and belligerent description. 

This is where I think I carry more of the December 20th and Sagittarius characteristics. I am sensitive to people (at times too sensitive), I don’t like to be mean and hate being considered that way, and although I am stubborn about things I believe in, most of the stuff I refuse to back down with is about protecting fairness, justice, equality, and the rights of others. 

Any thoughts from the people who know me?

“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” —Eleanor Roosevelt

Not too long ago I began a little hobby of creating a quote book.  It’s not your ordinary quote book.  Well, it is in one sense.  I have assembled quotes that have meaning to me, my beliefs, and who I strive to be.  I’d say that’s pretty common to the quote books I’ve seen out yonder.  However, what makes my quote book different from what I have previously seen is my method of making it. I decided to cut words and letters out of magazines that I own to capture these quotes in my book. This way I have a colorful and dissimilar view of each new entry, which tends to go with my general way of doing things.

Today I proceeded to enter in my book the quote that can be read above.  Eleanor Roosevelt is my favorite person to quote.  Her words tend to hold great value in my worldview.  This quote is of specific significance, especially on a day like today, when an idea popped into my head. 

As I was flipping through the pages of these magazines that I owned, it first occurred to me that all of the magazines were catered towards women.  I say that these magazines target women because there are fashion sections, which assess women dressed in gowns most generally; there are fitness sections, which cover women toning up their bodies (particularly the butt, the stomach, and the legs); and random sections that resemble how-to’s.  These how-to’s generally are how-to live or dress like a celebrity.  Who are the celebrities that are most often chosen? Women. These all address an audience that typically associates with the socially influenced gender role, female.

Secondly, these magazines that I own are all popular culture magazines. I say pop culture magazines because they cover the most popular forms of entertainment within the US—movies, music, the livelihood of celebrities. They are also the magazines which appear at the check-out line of every grocery store. To me, the most popular magazines appear here. Whether it’s the check-out line that makes them popular, or they are there because they are the most bought, is an entirely separate story. Rest assured, though, I have yet to meet a person who does not know the magazine, People. These are the magazines I buy and have an entertaining time reading. I’m guilty of being a member of the demographic that follows and am an active participant in popular culture, and I like it!

However, when I went to quote the mastermind of Mrs. Eleanor Roosevelt, I found myself terribly frustrated.  You see, I started my hobby rather lazily, hoping to find complete words instead of cutting out individual letters.  I figured this would save me time, so that I could quickly get quotes down in my book.  To my surprise today, however, I was having the most difficult time finding the words “mind,” “idea,” and “discuss.”  Instead, I lost count of how many times I saw the words “beauty”, “skin,” and vocabulary focusing on losing weight and toning the body. Therefore, begrudgingly (since I could not be as lazy as I originally wanted), I had to cut out each individual letter to create about 95% of my quote. The only two words of my entry that were as a whole were “great” and “people.”  “Great” I got from a Diet Coke ad that was advertising a “great” beverage because of its taste without the calories, and “people” I got straight from the magazine title itself!

The magazines that I turn to for entertainment and knowledge about my everyday popular culture did not include some words that I associate with intellect, such as “mind” and “idea”.  Instead, just as the self-titled magazine proposes, people are talked about rather than ideas.  I even noticed that the language in which these articles were written appear simplified.  Places where the word “idea” could easily be used were replaced by “tip.”  Instead of using the word “discuss,” I’d see “talk about.” A unique vernacular consistently appeared throughout the text of these magazines that so many people read. I began thinking about the possible implications this has on our culture, even though culture is such a vast word by definition.

I hope that no one confuses this observation for a judgment against the popular culture magazines. I was merely counting words that I saw and bouncing them against the thesaurus I had in my head. What I did find with the quantity of words that target the body, definitions of beauty, and the exterior discussion of people, is that there appears to be a disassociation with the mind from the body. I began asking myself questions, as a 23-year-old woman who is an active participant in this culture as well as an academic. Does the language of these magazines serve a purpose? Do the words in here reveal an underlying message about how institutions may view and value this target market? If these magazines that I am reading target women, do magazines that target men have similar features? Do male-audience magazines focus on the physicality of men, how beauty is defined, and the discussion of famous people? Now this is something worth looking at.

Here’s what I know, or rather what I have processed through my thought tank (a.k.a. my brain).  Communication is an imperative aspect of culture. The way of life of individuals relies on the communication of values, rituals, customs, whether it be verbal or non-verbal. Communication is how culture is transferred.  A subset of communication is language, typically associated with verbal communication. However, there is such thing as body language or “unspoken” language that has just as much effect as what is spoken. An even more acute subset of language is words. English is spoken throughout the world.  However, there are different dialects, accents, and vernaculars. Even more specifically, cultures can choose to highlight as well as refrain from using certain words.  While each word holds a specific meaning, there is a greater understanding which can be unveiled when looking at why specific vocabulary is chosen.  If one were to strip away all accents of the world and everyone spoke English in the exact same tone, what would make cultures distinct is the choice of words. When all else is equal, vocabulary can have a strong impact as a facet of culture.

If vocabulary can be studied as a means for understanding distinct cultures (not in their entirety, of course), it’s fair to say that it can be used to analyze the varieties of sub-cultures within one nationality. The female gender is targeted with these magazines.  As popular culture magazines, they are meant to represent what is, well, deemed popular to the US general culture. Within these magazines, there is a strong emphasis on the gossip of celebrities, as well as a critique of the female body and what is beautiful. The discussion of theories, ideas, as well as the demonstration of females improving their minds (instead of their bodies) are absent.

This is not a declaration that things need to change. I understand that spheres of culture are kept separate and that the purpose of variety is to cater to different tastes. Not every magazine needs to discuss world news or theories developing in astrophysics. However, as a 23-year-old woman who is implicated by the culture in which I live, what sparked my interest is that the magazines that I have discussed are what have been socially and economically deemed popular. If these magazines represent what is popular, then my observations from reading the magazines are as follows: it is popular opinion that the mind and the body are not united entities, but rather separate; the body receives more attention than the mind (and one could argue that because of this, the body is being presented as having more worth than the mind); and that these messages are channeled through the female gender, expressing a “popular” view of femininity.

As I made these observations, I wondered what Eleanor Roosevelt would say. The discussion of people in magazines is one of the most sought after ways of receiving entertainment. However, ideas on the growth of humanity and intellect do not make the shelves of the check-out line in grocery stores. Based on the quote and what I’ve observed from a facet of popular culture, I’m curious if my generation has moved towards a way of living that finds fostering “small minds” (as Mrs. Roosevelt states) more socially acceptable. This is when I wish I could sit down and talk to her myself! I personally know that greatness lies beyond the pages of tabloids, the appearance of my body, and whether or not my life resembles that of a celebrity. Can everyone who is also an active participant of popular culture make that assertion, though? Or am I part of a minority?

“Public declaration is the highest form of visioning. Live the grandest version of the greatest vision you ever had about Who You Are. Begin the living of it by declaring it. Publicly. The first step in making it so is saying it is so.”

I’ve recently been challenged to “live the grandest version of the greatest vision” of myself. Now, I wouldn’t say my life has been thrown off-compass, but I would declare that it would only benefit me to re-focus on the direction in which I’m heading and the purpose behind it. I’m finding that as I get older, the complexities of everyday living make it much easier to lose sight of what is important. While I wouldn’t say that I have lost sight of what takes meaning in my life, I will take ownership of the fact that perhaps I have not publicly declared such things. I’m not suggesting that I walk around vocalizing the matters which concern me the most in my vision of life. My biggest challenge is to declare this vision of myself through my actions.  However, in order to “live the grandest version of the greatest vision” of Who I Am, it would help if I identified it first.  You can see this is where the writing helps!

I’m a planner and an organizer. It only suits that this vision of myself be organized as well…

Educational and Career Aspirations

 In my greatest vision, I follow my passion for education as far as it will take me. At this moment, I want to obtain a masters.  However, in this vision, I do not limit myself to the extent that I learn and the way in which I do so. I challenge myself to make every moment a learning opportunity, and be thankful for whatever knowledge I obtain.

When I’m older and I look back at the career(s) that I have had, I want to know that the mission of my job was greater than myself. Whether I educate, research, provide aid, organize events, my career will emphasize the importance of humanity.

What I Stand For

In my greatest vision, I live a life that I am proud of. This does not mean that I do not make mistakes, and this does not mean that I don’t look back at things and say, “I would never do that again.”  What this does mean is that I treat each decision in my life as a valuable one. It also means that I do not ignore the consequences, even if they do not affect me the moment the deciding occurs.

I stand up for what I believe to be the most objectively fair. Critique this last statement as much as you want.  I know fairness and beliefs are all relative; however, I agree with Durkheim that there’s a collective conscience among individuals. While I know that my reality is limited to just me, I want to use my perspective of the world to best defend the rights of humanity. In my vision, I will stand up for what I believe is fair, while keeping my mind open to other people’s realities. I also challenge myself to find any intersections.

Values that I want individuals to associate with my existence are honesty, righteousness, humility, sincerity, conscientiousness, trustworthiness, loyalty, and loving (note: Lauren: version 23.2 may have this list edited, it may not).

Matters of the Heart

In my greatest vision, I do my very best to see that I approach everyone with compassion and empathy. I challenge myself to understand rather than make judgments, and I allow myself to learn from each individual that enters my world.  Even if the individual and I are incompatible, share different ideals, or I just plain don’t ever want to see them again, I give them the respect that comes from their existence teaching me something.

I have love in my life, whether it’s temporary or permanent, that knows no pain. Sure there will be disagreements, conflicts, and hurdles which naturally influence pain, but I keep events separate from feelings. I love without regrets, I love with trust and acceptance, and I gladly give my heart to a person or people of my choosing. I will not allow anyone to take it.

As for romantic partners, the person who I am with respects me and loves me for exactly who I am, not despite of who I am. I also respect and honor the right of this individual to have the same.

Whenever it is my time to leave this world, I want everyone to know that I love them. While I am living, I think it is important to distinguish the different types of love and varying degrees of it amongst the people in my life.  However, there is one type of love that is constant for every individual who enters into it. In some way or another, each individual has impacted my existence— whether they’ve changed the course of events that happen in my day or they’ve influenced something as serious as my worldview. Regardless, each day, each moment, each feeling has contributed to who I am and who I will be. So, the love that I want everyone to receive from me is one of gratitude.

As I continue to grow, my grandest vision of Who I Am will grow as well.